Names In spring 1998, England's cricket team needed a new captain. Nasser Hussain is a superb player, fine tactician, a very good competitor, and good with the press. Yet some people didn't want him. The reason? His name. It is clearly foreign. Indeed, his family are from India. But he grew up in Essex, and is as English as anyone could be. But names mean a lot to us. Some men in pubs would prefer a Smith or Green to be captain of England. Of course, names do not mean what they appear to mean. Someone called Green is not green, and anyone called Black or Brown probably has white skin. If they have brown skin, they are probably called Hussain, Patel or Singh (now common names in Britain). Take a man given the two names John Michael, whose father was called Donald Brown. In America, he would introduce himself as 'John M. Brown' or 'John Michael Brown'. In Iceland, he would be called the equivalent of 'John Donaldson'. In Russia, he would be the equivalent of 'John Donaldson Brown'. But in England he would put plain 'John Brown' on his business card. 'Mr', 'Mrs' and so on are only used these days in the line 'Dear Mr Brown' at the top of letters. (For a woman is it Miss, Mrs or Ms? If you guess you'll get it wrong and they'll be delighted to take offence, so it's best to ask.) When talking about someone to other people (asking for them on the phone for example) we use their full name - 'John Brown, please' or 'I met Mary White yesterday'. After a couple of meetings with someone, we often use their first name ('John has our report...') and usually don't use any form of address when talking to them (To John: 'Here are the 1997 figures...'). Simple, unpretentious, straightforward. Or is it? In fact, our names say a lot about ourselves, as Nasser Hussain's case shows. They often clearly show our background, our parents' aspirations, our politics, and our class. By changing our name we can become a different person. For example, the politician Anthony Wedgwood Benn came from an upper class family. But because he adopted left-wing policies, he changed his name to Tony Benn in the 1970s to sound more working-class. Here are three more genuine examples. Harriet is a designer. Her name is appropriate: it is seen as artistic and middle-class. Except that it isn't her real name - she was christened Sharon, which unfortunately is seen as common and uneducated. Ollie, an artist, has a name seen as quirky, fun and creative. Except that his real name is Martin, a deeply dull name usually owned by trainspotters. More subtly, when Sarah went to Oxford University, she changed the pronunciation of her name to a more upper-class one: instead of rhyming with 'Nissan Primera', it now rhymes with 'Citroen Xsara'. All three name-changers guard their secrets carefully. We are allowed to use any surname we like in Britain (so long as it is not for fraudulent purposes). However, changing our given names is more difficult and requires a legal process. Double-barrelled surnames Until the 1970s, anyone with a double-barrelled name came from an upper-class family. John Green-Brown, for example, would be more upper class than John Brown. At some point in his family history, an intermarriage - probably for money or land - had been staged, and the names joined to show the two families' involvement. The English record for multiple-barrelled names was held by a Mrs Temple-Nugent-Chandos-Brydges-Grenville. (This is like merging companies: Smith-Kline-Beecham-Glaxo-Wellcome, for example, though that didn't happen.) Now is the age of Cool Britannia. Double-barrelled names are seen as old-fashioned. John Green-Brown would call himself John Brown. This is just as well. Since the 1970s, lots of women have adopted double-barrelled names on marrying. Rather than lose their own name, they add their husband's. So Mary White, marrying John Brown, becomes Mary White Brown. If she married John Green-Brown, she would be Mary White Green-Brown, which is very confusing. If they had a daughter Jane, who married a Mr Black, you can imagine the problems. Class Class is often clear from the name. A man called Sebastian, Jeremy, or Rupert is from an upper-class, or aspiring upper-class, family. As with surnames, the more unfamiliar the name and the more difficult to spell, the more upper-class. (The most extreme example is the English upper-class surname Featherstonehaugh, pronounced 'Fanshaw'). On the other hand, if we see a fat, working-class, smoking, single mother who works at a supermarket checkout, we suspect her name is Sharon, Tracey or Debbie. Some names are safe, with no particular connotations. Usually they are Biblical (John, David, Peter, Simon) and usually the owner is not religious at all. Fashions Like flared trousers, names go in and out of fashion. A woman called Emily, Charlotte, Sophie or Emma is either Victorian and long dead, or middle-class and 20-30. Similarly, any male called George, Wilfred or Harold, is either 65 and working class, or a middle-class toddler from the Home Counties. Doris and Ethel are names only had by very old ladies, so they are probably due for a comeback soon. The most embarrassing fashion-names are those of pop stars (Kylie, Jason). Stereotype names For some reason, in England, a joke about an Irishman is not funny unless his name is Paddy or Mick. (It probably isn't funny in any case to anyone who is Irish.) If you want to tell a story about a character with a particular nationality, here are some names to use. Irish - Paddy, Mick Scottish - Sandy, Jock Welsh - (surname) Jones, Williams, Evans English - Nigel (Americans in particular think this name is amusing, as it does not occur there) Afro-Caribbean - (first name) Winston (or any surname used as a first name) Nicknames Finally, remember that we shorten our friends' names wherever possible. 'Simon' becomes 'Si'; 'David', 'Dave'; 'Robert', 'Rob'; 'Elizabeth', 'Lizzie', and so on. To use these in a formal business context would be very strange. Not to use them in a social context would be equally strange. Very close friends or workmates often get derogatory nicknames, usually the opposite of the quality it apparently denotes. For example, someone very bad at maths might be called 'Einstein'; someone very tall might be called 'Shorty'; someone bald might be called 'Hairy'. The more insulting, the closer friends they are. That's England for you.

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