Soccer In England, soccer is very important. Not because it is a sport, but because it isn't a sport. Every weekend, many more people go fishing than play soccer. So soccer, as a sport, is not very important. In England, we prefer to watch something on TV than see it live. We prefer to talk about something than to do it. So every day, there is soccer on a TV channel somewhere, with millions of viewers. Manchester United is setting up its own cable TV channel. Every evening, at least half the people in the country talk about soccer. There are dozens of monthly magazines, hundreds of unofficial magazines, thousands of Internet sites. Premier League clubs are floated on the stock exchange. So soccer is very important. Not as a sport, but as a hobby, talking-point, and business. Here are the ways soccer (or football, or just 'footy') affects our thinking and behaviour. By understanding these, you understand the English much better. National stereotypes We believe that a country's soccer team reflects its people. That is, our ideas of what its people are like - ideas based on sensationalist newspapers and stories told us by a man in a pub ten years ago. For example, Italy is full of flair and style, but also disorganised and unreliable. Germany is ruthlessly efficient and well-organised, but lacking in imagination. South Americans are temperamental geniuses who sometimes cheat. England is intelligent, honest, courageous and hard-working, but very unlucky. England always loses to Germany in important matches in a penalty shoot-out, but only because the Germans are lucky - that they are better than us. The War Myth We like to believe that everything in life is a game, with rules, a winner and a loser. Even war is a game. According to legend, on Christmas Day in 1917 the English and German soldiers came out of their trenches to shake hands and play soccer. (The next day they went back to the trenches and shot at each other again.) The result of the match is not recorded, but it is believed the Germans won in a penalty shoot-out. The Manager We English are a logical nation. We like to believe there is a reason for everything. This is why every soccer team has a manager. If the team is doing badly, we do not change the players. We change the manager. (Business works the same way.) Just before a manager is sacked, he gets a 'vote of confidence' from his board. If you get a 'vote of confidence' at work, it is time to worry. Manchester United Fifty years ago, everybody would spend their life in one town. They would support their local soccer club, whether it was in the top division or the bottom. With over 90 professional teams and only two or three titles to be won each year, it is clear that every most teams win nothing. If you were born in Manchester or Liverpool you were very lucky. If you were born in Hull, Carlisle or Exeter, you were unlucky. These days, people move around. We are born in one city, go to university in another, work in another still. This is very good, because we no longer have a local team to support. Suppose you are born in Hull, studied in Carlisle and work in Exeter. Who do you support? Simple: Manchester United. Why stand in the rain watching your team lose, when you can sit at home watching 'your' team win on TV? This is why most of Manchester United's fans live in London, and have never been to Manchester. Fever Pitch In the rest of Europe, pleasures are like countries. Many different ones can happily sit side-by-side. Soccer, sex, food, wine - anyone can enjoy them all, perhaps even at the same time. Not in England. Here, you have a choice: either soccer or sex. We believe the two are opposite. This year, the humorous English movie Fever Pitch was very successful. It told the conflict between a soccer fan's love of his club (Arsenal) and his girlfriend (Sarah). Women like it because it is about relationships, and men like it because it is about soccer. The movie would not appeal to Europeans, because there would be no conflict. (Arsenal beats Sarah in the end, by the way.) If you are a man trying to seduce a woman in England, do not invite her to a soccer match. Do not watch soccer with her on TV. Do not talk to her about soccer. Sky match at pub Many of the best soccer matches are on Sky TV, a subscription satellite channel. Not everyone can afford the subscription, so many people go to watch the matches at their local pub, with its big screen. If someone invites you to come and watch a soccer match, this is probably what they mean. A pub is an excellent place to watch soccer. Unlike a soccer stadium, it is warm and dry. You can celebrate your team's success with a drink. Or you can drown your sorrows if you have a bad evening. For example, if your team loses, or if you came a date with a man who watched soccer all evening. Underdogs We believe in fairness. So, in a cup match between a big club and a small club, we always support the 'underdog'. If Manchester United are playing Hull, everyone hopes that Hull will win. Just for one night, everyone from Hull stops supporting Manchester United, and supports Hull. Even if Hull lose, it is all right. We like heroic failure.

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