Radio
For a nation of TV watchers, radio is still a big part of our national
psyche.
For example, the Shipping Weather Forecast, broadcast each evening on
BBC radio, is meaningless to 99% of land dwellers. Yet we all know and
love its ritualistic rhythms as we settle down with our nighttime cocoa.
Just say 'Viking, Dover. 3, later 4. 1030. Rising. Good', and you'll get
smiles of recognition from everyone, if not any understanding.
A back-bench politician wanting to know their party's latest position on
Europe simply has to listen to BBC radio news. Spin-doctors don't bother
telling their MPs these days, they leak information straight to the
radio.
Why? Because we like to think that radio is somehow worthier, more
intelligent than TV. Say you like TV soaps such as Coronation Street and
people think you are incapable of entertaining, or thinking for,
yourself. But whistle the theme tune of the radio soap 'The Archers' and
you are considered thoughtful and clever. (If you don't know it, ask
absolutely anyone to hum it to you - they'll know it for sure.)
"The pictures are better on the radio", as its fans like to say. What
they really mean is that it's more convenient - you can listen to it in
the car and while pottering round the house - and free: unlike TV you
don't have to pay a licence fee.
Radio producers also praise the medium "We offer unrivalled music, news,
drama, comedy and sport coverage", they say. What they really mean is
that they can do these things half as well as TV but for a twentieth of
the cost.
Here is your guide to the main radio stations.
BBC Radio 1
Pop music.
Image of listener: 20s-30s people in cheap fast cars. Mechanics in their
workshop. Hairdressers in the salon.
What it sounds like: Loud pop, the 'THP-THP-THP' that booms out of
passing cars.
Typical news headline: 'An earthquake in India has killed 1,000 people.
But the good news is, one of the Spice Girls is expecting another
baby!...'
BBC Radio 2
Easy-listening music.
Image of listener: 40+, pottering round house, or driving to their
ex-serviceman's club.
What it sounds like: Gentle pop of previous generations.
Typical news headline: 'An earthquake in India has killed 1,000 people -
but no Britons were involved! Traffic news now - the M1 is blocked at
junction 24...'
BBC Radio 3
Classical music.
Image of listener: Retired doctor in his large house, while his wife
plays the piano elsewhere
What it sounds like: A 30-second silence, then in reverent tones: 'That
was Schubert's Piano Sonata D960 played by Sviatoslav Richter...'
Typical news headline: 'The earthquake in Uttar Pradesh, India, measured
7.6 on the Richter scale. This year's Booker Prize for literature has
been won by...'
BBC Radio 4
Current affairs, drama, documentary, comedy.
Image of listener: 30+ broadsheet newspaper readers working at home, or
driving to work
What it sounds like: Educated people talking
Typical news headline: 'Aid agencies are rushing to the earthquake zone
in northern India. The British foreign minister said...'
BBC Radio 5
Live news and sport.
Image of listener: 20s-50s sports fans driving to the pub or doing
evening DIY at home
What it sounds like: Down-to-earth regional accents talking
energetically
Typical news headline: 'A report on the Indian earthquake later. But
first, live second-half commentary on the match between Manchester
United and Chelsea...'
Classic FM
Popular classical music, one movement at a time. Commercial station.
Image of listener: Retired couple coming in from their gardening or
needlework.
What it sounds like: Classics you've heard before, then an announcer
brightly getting it wrong: 'That was the overture from 'Mozart', the
famous opera by Don Giovanni'
Typical news headline: 'An earthquake in India has killed 1,000 people.
Tomorrow will be bright and sunny with rain in the north...'
BBC local radio
Easy-listening music, lots of cheap phone-ins with local people.
Image of listener: Housewife or retired people at home.
What it sounds like: Local accent and local person on the phone trying
desperately to find local links: 'So, Mrs Thomson, your son went on
holiday to India last year to this place where the earthquake struck.?'
Typical news headline: 'A local man on holiday has narrowly escaped the Indian
earthquake...'
Commercial local radio
As above but financed with adverts.
Image of listener: As above, but also with local companies listening out
for their adverts.
What it sounds like: As above, but with adverts.
Typical news headline: 'An earthquake in India has killed 1,000 people.
But for the best carpet deals, visit Carpet World in Wolverhampton...'
Going Native